Last night, shortly after watching a comedy show spewing with brilliance, I stumbled into the reality that technology owns our lives.com.

Eddie had repeatedly mentioned the exalted iPhone, the godly Wikipedia, and the… well, Hulu – once, actually.

It came to my realization that technology, namely the Internet, had only recently became one of our classmates, one of our co-workers, one of our family members barely ten years ago. And in that span of ten years, we’ve developed an intimate, loving, clingy BFF relationship.

We are the Internet’s bitch. We shop with it, communicate with it, navigate with it, share secrets with it. The Internet has seen pictures of ourselves that we could never show our own mother. The Internet knows our credit card number, knows that we’re using a proxy, knows that we didn’t read through those terms and conditions before agreeing.

I make sandwiches for the Internet and fetch his slippers. And I would never bash the Internet, because I know he’s always listening.

PC World of Canada recently named Hulu as the number one product of 2008.

(Yeah, I know, right?)

Their list of the “100 Best Products of 2008” included a collection of various fanboy favorites, everything from the addicting sketchiness of Craigslist to the Guitar Hero semblance of Rockband. However, before I continue, let’s get this straight: Hulu (basically, an online television where you watch the SNL clips that were taken off of YouTube) outranked the iPhone, Facebook, Wikipedia, and the Nintendo Wii. Did I miss something?

It gets more confusing. Products like YouTube, Ubuntu Linux and Digg keep each other a miserable company at the bottom of the heap. Pardon my crude skepticism, but this leads me to believe that something has possibly gone awry here.

Dear Hulu fans, I care not to dismiss your alternative to television. But I do care to dismiss its rise to number one (in Canada). With its lack of content availability, unfriendly video player and its refusal to accept my Default Photo, I can’t afford to buy in to its free service. Is this the same guy responsible for putting UC Berkeley as the fourteenth hottest university in America?

Forget about that Cavalallaceade Seth MacFarlane’s newfound intimate tryst with Google, Viacom’s taking uncomfortable peeks at our online undies.

Merely hours ago today, US District Court Judge Louis Stanton ordered Google to allow Viacom to access, basically, FUCKING EVERYTHING (that is, YouTube-related). This media monster (owner of manufactured-to-be-cooler entertainment companies like MTV and Nickelodeon) will now have the details of what we’re watching, what we’re not watching, and what we’re re-watching on YouTube. Aside from presenting Viacom with the potential of digging ears-deep in a marketing fantasy, the judge’s decision begs the question: um, what?

An AFP article explains: “Viacom is seeking the data as potential evidence for a billion-dollar copyright suit against Google, which Viacom charges acts as a willing accomplice to Internet users that put clips of Viacom’s copyrighted television programs on YouTube.”

While the data will allegedly remain anonymous, someone out there will know about my obsessive habits of watching (and replaying) pre-2000 Mariah Carey videos. Someone tell me this isn’t reminiscent of AOL’s oopsie in 2006.

What happens when you cross an Internet superpower with an invincible fighting chicken? In some cases: a really, really, really marketable online campaign. And in other cases: really, really, really speechless fans. Seth MacFarlane, creator of frat boy favorites Family Guy and American Dad, is launching Seth MacFarlane’s Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy. Immediately after viewers get over the word “cavalcade” and MacFarlane’s seemingly forced alliteration, one begins to ponder: is this intended to be as annoying as it sounds?

The series will contain 50 short clips, all less than two minutes in duration. The cartoons are scheduled to be aired along with Google’s AdSense advertisements and placed on targeted websites. In addition, they will be accessible via YouTube. Now with MacFarlane on the drawing board, AdSense as his partner in crime, and YouTube as their cheerleader, it’s nothing but synergy at its finest.

Do I feel the future of cartoons at my fingertips, or is this what mother always told me about heartbreak? While the distribution of this product is undeniably ingenious, it seems as if the short New Yorker style clips will eventually become synonymous with “Winning a Free iPod” and “Are You Paying Too Much For Health Insurance?”